Showing love and respect

One of the first signs of trouble in a marriage is taking each other for granted. And it happens subtly, like a weed growing up and choking a rose. Dr James Dobson writes: ‘One of the best ways to keep a marriage healthy is to maintain a system of mutual accountability within the context of love. This is done by protecting what I call the ‘line of respect’. Let me illustrate.

Suppose I work in my office two hours longer than usual knowing that my wife, Shirley, is at home preparing a special candlelight dinner. If I don’t call to let her know I’ll be late, you can bet that I’m going to hear about it when I get home. Shirley would see my behaviour as insulting – and she’d be right. So she’d say, in effect, ‘Jim, what you did was selfish, and I can’t let it pass.’ In those few words, and probably a few more, she would have spoken her mind in love and held me accountable for my disrespect. Then we would move on together. In a healthy marriage, some things are worth defending, and mutual respect is at the top of the list. This doesn’t mean you should nag, insult, publicly embarrass your mate, or point out insignificant indiscretions that should be overlooked. But a workable system of checks and balances can keep your marriage on course when issues of respect are at stake. This kind of mutual accountability is the best way I know to avoid an unexpected explosion when stored resentment and anger reach a critical mass.’

So: ‘Love one another … giving precedence and showing honour to one another.’